Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Speaking of Everywhere you look there you are

Ah, the joys of Facebook. This picture appeared on my wall yesterday because Mr. Bowering was tagged in it. Turns out the source was his nephew who likes to play with Photofunia, a program that uses Face recognition software to place pictures in scenes such as the one above.

This seems a good a place as any to include the following list of essays that should never be written. Apologies if you feel left out. Leave a comment and we'll try to come up with one for you.

I Know You Aren't, But I Am! Or, Tactics of Exclusion in the Avant-Garde

Overwrought: Twenty-Seven Poets Who Take Themselves Way Too Seriously

Group Hug: Anglo-Quebec Poets Offer Lessons On Conflict Resolution

We Are The World: Six White Male Poets Discuss the "New Diversity"

My Oulipo Failures, or Why the Avant-Garde Will Suffer: Tracing Roots of Bitterness in Mainstream Reviews

The Making Of The Canadian Canon, or Tracing The Rise of Fundamentalist Language In Canadian Poetry

How Green Is My Verse: How Eco-Poetry, After Decades of Perceived Ineffectiveness, Has Subtly Altered The Brain Waves of Migratory Birds

Tongue In Cheek: Erotics of Humor in Lesbian Poetry

No You Can't: Inter-generational Discussions In Verse

and a few that miraculously showed up in my inbox (thanks Vanessa):

Community Ain't Nothin' but A Proper Name

You Run Like A Girl: How the Avant-Garde Can Stop Seeping Subjectivity Once and For All

Make It Now, or New & Improved: Where the Avant Elite Meet the American Bourgeoisie

I Meant To Say That: a Lacanian Riposte to the Flarfian Kumquat'

And the topper, also from Vanessa, We are Duchampians.

With or without apostrophe?

--Sorry all, I know they are cheap and easy, but I couldn't resist. They just keep coming. Maybe it was getting a bit too serious around here. Remember, if it bends it's funny, if it breaks, not so funny. Speaking of funny? Two poems from Jennifer L. Knox, a poet who tends to walk the line.


shanna said...

Cheap & easy--my fave! :D

Lemon Hound said...

Ah, Shanna, a gal I can count on.

GM said...

Very funny. I have a similar list of titles for poetry books that should never have been written.

VanessaP said...

With exclamations!

Lemon Hound said...

Well, GM, now we are all curious about the titles.

And yes, Vanessa, you're right about the exclamation mark. But that's your limit for the year.

K. Silem Mohammad said...

Some of these really need to be written, I think.

Any volunteers to tackle "Overwrought"? (The only problem would be narrowing it down to twenty-seven.)

Brenda Schmidt said...

Ha! These are great! I especially love "How Green is My Verse..." :)

m said...

Thank you for this. I laughed out loud a few times--much needed this morning.

Chris Banks said...

Very, very funny. I chuckled too at many of the titles except for those ones which might actually be more funny if they were not also so very, very true.

mark wallace said...

Here's one that's perfect for me:

The Same Old Players and the Same Old Program: How I Ended Up as One of Them.

Lemon Hound said...

I'm biting my tongue, here!

Jill Jones said...

Made my day. Thanks.

Susan Glickman said...

Oooh my ribs hurt, from laughing too hard. For this relief, much thanks!

Lemon Hound said...

Yes, nice to clear the air once in a while.

odalisqued said...

This was so marvelous. also your "what people are saying . . ."

I am too sensitive to make a list of all the insults I get, but they would go "cluck" or something (so far, I think I've been called forms of chicken, dog, and sow!) Maybe these are from the same sources!

Lemon Hound said...

Yes, the descriptions (in reviews, etc) used to leave me stunned, not quite wanting to get back up and take another swing.

Which is sort of the point, I think, of such descriptions.

Lemon Hound said...

Some more have come in from friends too shy to post, and also out of discussion.

Canada's New Critics: How the Debate Killed The Discussion

Attack Dogs or Point Men: Hockey Strategy as Literary Careerism

Indoctrination vs. Education, or Ways to Ensure Literary Posterity

and finally

Get Them Before They Get You, or How To Effectively Undermine Your Opposition And Still Look Like a "Great Guy"

Chris Banks said...

These ones are great too. What about "On Sycophants and Snarking, or How To Go From Crackpot Poetaster to Sharp-Eyed Poetry Critic Overnight"?

Lemon Hound said...

You see? They keep coming.